Destination Wedding and Honeymoon

Of course, if you’re planning a destination wedding, you will presumably already be in a vacation spot. Your family and friends will be there too, and of course, you’ll want to spend time with them. Still, the time after the wedding will be a time reserved for the two of you to spend alone, perhaps continuing your vaca- tion at the site of the wedding, perhaps traveling on to another vacation spot.

You have been on many trips before, ski trips with friends, family vacations and road trips to Aunt Margaret’s house, and no doubt you had a great time with your buddies or your brothers and sisters on those trips. But this trip has a purpose. Plan to do some fun things together, but also plan some down time, days when you sit together and stare at the fire, read the newspaper in bed together after ordering room service, or just sit on the porch of your cabin and stare out at the lake. Getting married is a big deal, and you’ll need time to come down from all the excitement. You should not make plans to hit the golf course or the hiking trail every morning...although the beach isn’t a bad idea.

“We wanted the wedding to feel like a big family vacation and since we were already in Maui, it was the perfect setting. We arranged for everyone to arrive a week before the actual wedding so we could spend time as a group and with designated families. I consider that entire week to be a pre-wedding event.”

At the end of the reception, Jennifer and Ryan took a limo back to the hotel where they met everyone outside to continue celebrating and visiting. Plan to do what feels right to you both on your honeymoon. Don’t leave your guests until you are ready, especially if they all traveled far to be at your wedding; the event will be over soon, and then your honeymoon will begin.

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Human mate selection may or may not include the input of those who are getting married. Mate selection by capture and by arrangement are two approaches in which at least one party has little say in the matter. The idea of a woman being abducted into marriage seems archaic, and the idea is generally relegated to discussions of ancient customs. However, this form of mate selection still exists in some areas, as summarized in the Culture Corner.

A second form of mate selection, marriage by arrangement, was historically enacted for economic reasons, to preserve bloodlines or to advance political agendas. This approach to mate selection is still commonly practiced in many societies. For instance, in Japan couples often meet through an arranged introduction called miai mar- riages. Similarly, in India, “marriage is largely an arranged affair. Parents, relatives and family friends play an important role in the choice of partners. The matrimonial columns of newspapers are also used to seek wider response. However, in the majority of cases, it is the parents/relatives who carry out negotiations”

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In societies that commonly practice arranged marriages, selection by choice or out of one’s social class may have repercussions. For example, when Princess Sayako of Japan wed a commoner in November of 2005, she lost her title and royal status (Argetsinger and Roberts, 2005). As she is no longer considered a member of the Imperial Family, she can never again stay at her family’s residence, the Imperial Palace. Furthermore, her visits to her parents are strictly controlled, with only one or two meetings allowed per year.

Even if a marriage is not fully arranged, culture may place boundaries on acceptable mate selection. The Amish, whose numbers are largely situated in the American states of Pennsylvania, Indiana, and Ohio, “socialize with and marry their own and are not involved in ecumenical activities with other denominations”.

If a marriage is not arranged or restricted, individuals are left to their own devices to select a suitable partner. Even in these cases, social cues will influence selection. Primary determinants of selection are social mobility and, increasingly, educational or occupational similarity. Prandy (2001) looked at six countries, including Australia, Britain, Germany, Hungary, Ireland, and the United States to determine the occupational status similarity of cohabitating and married couples. Even excluding cases where the couple had the exact same occupa- tion (e.g., both were lawyers or both were farmers), a strong relationship occurred suggesting that social similarity in terms of career paths was an indicator of mate selection. Interestingly, the occupational status relationship was weakest in Australia and the United States. Prandy explains this finding by noting that these two countries are generally regarded as being more socially egalitarian than countries such as Hungary and Ireland, which had the strongest likelihood of occupational status similarity.

Indirect cues can also be used to select a mate. In the animal kingdom, females of a given species have been shown to prefer males that another female has already chosen (Uller and Johansson, 2003). This phenomenon is known as mate-choice copying or imitation, and sug- gests that a female may seek an already chosen male because the fact that he has already been selected indicates his suitability as a mate (Uller and Johansson, 2003). The phenomenon was evidenced in the popular National Geographic film, March of the Penguins. The mate- choice copying behaviors evidenced in animal species might also play a role in human mate selection. A study that investigated the wedding ring effect by determining if imitation influences human mate selection is summarized in the Research Roundtable.

Photo credit: Jeca Bridal
Once a mate has been selected and prior to formal engagement, the courtship period occurs as a time of exploration and negotiation. In analyzing the courtship stories of 344 young, newly married couples, Holmberg, Orbuch, and Veroff (2004) found that nearly one-third of the stories focused on negative occurrences and tensions that impacted this period in their lives. These tensions most frequently originated from within the relationship (e.g., physical separation, resist- ance to deepening the relationship), whereas other obstacles per- tained to external issues such as family or finances. Another one-third of the couples’ courtship plots were neutral, focusing on a pragmatic intertwining of lives, and the final one-third were focused on a general positive progression, where the relationship descriptions centered on “a continuous increase in positive commitment to each other with no major hitches or setbacks along the way”.

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